goodbye to you

Currently Listening Beneath Medicine Tree By Copeland see related

being away...makes me realize what I do not have and what I miss.  I am going to go to Grand Rapids this next weekend and my heart is anxious and excited. I have desperately missed people...intentional relationships...love....acceptance....i miss it all. being in Chicago has been great but i feel like part of me missing and it is in the friendships i have left back home.  This semester has been very hard on me physically, emotionally, spiritually..and any other "ally" you can think of.  To think about going to GR..makes everything inside me awaken.  What have I been missing? ....i have found people that cannot be replaced. what a blessing.

I have one more month here in Chicago and then my life becomes lost in the confusion of decisions. I am excited for the adventure that lies ahead.

Spring is coming. For so long I have said that I want to move to California and experience warm weather, but ya know what, i appreciate the seasons.  Here in Chicago when it is a beautiful day, everyone is outside, by the lake, walking, running, it is like everyone comes out to enjoy it. in Cali, it is like that everyday.  in the midwest we have seasons to look forward to. Change...that we accept because we know what kind of change it will be.  I've realized that I like that. I love getting excited for Spring and Summer..for flip flops, skirts, sun, blankets with the flavor of reading and music, friends, walks by the lake, and front porches. what memories...what times....all because the weather changes. it is what i love.

i saw a transvestite today on the train.  At first I wanted to get my roommates attention and show her, but then i realized, he/she is no zoo....this is a person.  He was dressed as a woman and man he had sweet legs! not gonna lie i was jealous. anyways, as i watched him.....he just seemed so uncomfortable. im sure people were looking at him and thinking all these thingsa nd then i raelized how hard it must be to be in this majority of people all the time that just dont understand you. ya, homosexuals are gaining rights and people are beginning to understand them more and what not, but what transvestites? is the church really opening their doors to them? as Christians how are we handling that issue? deep down i was hoping taht he was going to some place where he could feel comfortable and at home, whether that be with other transvestites or not. being uncomfortable sucks. always wondering if people are judging you...talking about you...no matter who you are..is not fun.

living in the city is....such a beautiful thing.  i am constantly challenged in how i think all the time. i am the type of person that is always looking at people when i walk on the streets but it is getting harder because now i get comments from men, or i get asked for money and it becomes very uncomfortable at times. i dont know waht to do. did i just turn down jesus...a man asking for money..or...am i being too protective of myself and not opening myself up to people but just smiling.  in orientation they told us to put on our game face...in Chicago you dont need to prove you are a nice person by smiling at everyone because you just dont do that....that is so hard for me. i watn to do that.  putting on "my game face" is me really ignoring people...i dont like it, but what else am i to do?

i feel like i am thinking too much when i am walking on the streets...assuming worse case scenarios..so dumb. i just want to walk without thinking. regardless...i still like it.  i like being challenged...trying to make myself realize that i am wrong almost 99.9% of the time.

anyways, im having a great time. im lovin it:)

Uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl

I live in a neighborhood called Uptown..so that song is about me and my roommate:) So I am moved in and loving Chicago already!! I really like the city and my neighborhood is cool. It has like 2 starbucks..so im pretty set:)

i begin all my stuff with Chicago Semester on Monday! ahhh nuts. im very excited. I am ready for the challenge, and to learn! I hope you are all doin awesome! i will update you as I go along.

All I do know is that public transportation is going to be my bestfriend!!